Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
