Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
