I'm drive I can fine osifer
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
