I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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