I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
