the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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