Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
