I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
