I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
