There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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