there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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