you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
