Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
