My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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