I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
