There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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