I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
