my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
