did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
