Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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