Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
