yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
bring money and cleavage
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
