I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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