i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
