so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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