Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
