bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
