This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
