I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
