Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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