i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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