Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
