I wanna passion pit in your ass
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
