Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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