It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
