Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
