Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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