you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
