he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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