I must be too annoying 4 u.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
