My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
