apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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