My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
