Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
