and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
