He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
