my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
