Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
