I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
