Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sorry about my life...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
