once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
