seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize