Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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