she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
