goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
this will be a night to untag.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
